So, this happened last night.
I will preface this post by saying it isn’t going to be a full review/recap of the Maximize Your Life
show. I’ll do that in another post soon. Even though this isn’t a full review, I will say this … the show was AWESOME! Jillian
was so warm and personable … and FUNNY! Even though there was a LOT
of information being thrown at us, she found plenty of opportunities to keep us laughing.
The purpose of post is to share my thoughts about the biggest lesson I took away from the show last night. It hit me HARD and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since, other than when I slept.
In the latter part of the show, Jillian spent time talking about fear. She talked about how fear holds most people back and mires us in thoughts of “how dare I” rather than thinking “why not me” and pursuing our true dreams. She went on to talk about how fear is only temporary, but regret is permanent. It was definitely very inspiring to hear, but not necessarily something I hadn’t heard before either.
Finally, Jillian started talking about perfectionism. This is the part where I admit … again … that I really struggle with the whole perfectionism thing. It’s the whole “all or nothing” mentality that holds me back in so many ways. It causes my competitive nature to rear its ugly head with thoughts of, “If I can’t be the best at this, then why bother?” For example, when I start seriously focusing on exercise, in my mind, that means I need to go out and train for a marathon or something because I have this internal drive that I have to go balls to the wall with anything I do in life. My thought process goes something like if my friends are running marathons, triathlons, etc., then that’s what I need to do in order to be successful with exercise.
As Jillian is talking, I’m processing all of this in my head while still trying to focus on what she’s saying. As all this is going on, she made a statement that mentally hit me like a two by four to the brain.
The first sentence perfectly sums up where I’ve been with my whole weight loss effort over the past few years. Having been so successful on Weight Watchers
10 years ago by losing nearly 140 pounds and then gaining 100 of it back, I definitely let my shame of feeling like a failure hold me back now. There is the fear that if I start losing weight again that people will quietly judge me and whisper things like, “I wonder how long she’ll keep it off this time.” Even within myself, I have thought of wondering why I even bother because I’ll probably just gain it all back again anyway.
The cycle of all those types of thoughts, coupled with my perfectionism, have been a deadly combination for trying to move forward with my weight loss. If I have some type of treat, rather than accounting for it in my daily points target or weekly points allowance, I just throw in the towel. I end up just eating off the rails for the rest of the day … or sometimes longer.
After spending several hours now thinking about this whole concept, I’ve come to realize that I’ve been punishing myself for … being human. I’ll NEVER be a perfect eater or exerciser. I’ll NEVER follow my Weight Watchers food plan 100% every single day for the rest of my life. It’s time to stop beating myself up for not because perfect, because there’s no such thing. Fuck perfect!
With all this in mind, I’ve decided to just start over, but with a new attitude. I know it won’t be easy because I have 50 years of experience at being a perfectionist. For my friends in real life who read my blog, if you see me falling into my old “all or nothing” mentality with my eating and exercise plan, please call me on my bullshit! I desperately need to break this habit if I’m ever going to find success. Thanks!
Until next time …