I’m not sure how many of you who read this blog are aware, but I am a recovering bulimic. I spent many years of my youth, and into my early 30′s, actively bulimic. As of this year, I’ve been purge-free for about seven and a half years.
Lately, I have noticed, however, that my thoughts seem to be going into dangerous territory. My eating goes from being practically perfect one day to being a borderline binge on the next. I’m so tired of the struggle, but realize it’s something with which I will have to face for the rest of my life.
In an effort to get my thoughts back on track and to begin losing the weight I’ve gained over the last year and half, I’m going back through and working the exercises from some of my recovery materials. I will be putting those exercises here in my blog. I considered starting a separate blog for these entries. I decided that I’ve already spent enough of my life separating and compartmentalizing myself. This is my blog. This is who I am. This is my struggle. I will try to remember to mark such posts as (NSR) in the title to indicate that it is not stitching related. This way, if you are not interested in reading them, you can just skip my entry for that day.
So, here is exercise #1 from the workbook:
Who Am I?
(List 10 “I am” things about yourself.)
Introduction of Melissa, a.k.a. the SoCal Stitcher
1. I am a 41-year old woman.
2. I am compassionate.
3. I am an extremely loyal friend.
4. I am a person who loves to laugh.
5. I am an “all or nothing” person which leads to much stress in my life.
6. I am a prisoner inside a body that I hate horribly.
7. I am a very positive person with everything but my own life.
8. I am a recovering bulimic.
9. I am a creative person who enjoys stitching and making handmade greeting cards.
10. I am a failure.
Ok, before my friends start sending me emails about #10, yes, I do realize I am in no way a failure in all areas of my life. In this particular area relating to weight loss though, I feel like a complete and utter failure. I was more than 70% of the way to my goal weight 2 years ago, but I’ve regained enough weight that now I’m just under halfway to my goal weight. 
This is the one area of my life on which I simply cannot seem to get a handle. My eating is directly connected to my emotions on all levels. I eat when I’m happy, sad, lonely, in love, rejected, angry, etc. I just have to figure this out and get it right. I can’t keep riding this roller coaster of losing weight and then gaining it back. I’ve done this once before after a fairly substantial weight loss (around 60 pounds) and ended up gaining it all back PLUS some. Right now, I’ve still managed to keep a lot off, even though I have regained quite a bit. I just want to stop that regain train on the tracks before it derails me any further.
If you’ve read this far, you must either really care about me or you’re really bored. Either way, thanks for listening to me ramble.
Happy Stitching! 
