So, this happened last night.
In the latter part of the show, Jillian spent time talking about fear. She talked about how fear holds most people back and mires us in thoughts of “how dare I” rather than thinking “why not me” and pursuing our true dreams. She went on to talk about how fear is only temporary, but regret is permanent. It was definitely very inspiring to hear, but not necessarily something I hadn’t heard before either.
Finally, Jillian started talking about perfectionism. This is the part where I admit … again … that I really struggle with the whole perfectionism thing. It’s the whole “all or nothing” mentality that holds me back in so many ways. It causes my competitive nature to rear its ugly head with thoughts of, “If I can’t be the best at this, then why bother?” For example, when I start seriously focusing on exercise, in my mind, that means I need to go out and train for a marathon or something because I have this internal drive that I have to go balls to the wall with anything I do in life. My thought process goes something like if my friends are running marathons, triathlons, etc., then that’s what I need to do in order to be successful with exercise.
As Jillian is talking, I’m processing all of this in my head while still trying to focus on what she’s saying. As all this is going on, she made a statement that mentally hit me like a two by four to the brain.
The cycle of all those types of thoughts, coupled with my perfectionism, have been a deadly combination for trying to move forward with my weight loss. If I have some type of treat, rather than accounting for it in my daily points target or weekly points allowance, I just throw in the towel. I end up just eating off the rails for the rest of the day … or sometimes longer.
After spending several hours now thinking about this whole concept, I’ve come to realize that I’ve been punishing myself for … being human. I’ll NEVER be a perfect eater or exerciser. I’ll NEVER follow my Weight Watchers food plan 100% every single day for the rest of my life. It’s time to stop beating myself up for not because perfect, because there’s no such thing. Fuck perfect!
Until next time …