I’ve been meaning to write this post for a while, but just haven’t gotten around to it. It’s mostly due to the fact that I’ve been feeling sorry for myself as I’ve been stuck at home awaiting knee surgery (hopefully happening on Wednesday *fingers crossed*). I’ve been depressed. I’ve been eating. I’ve been gaining weight.
I’ve been hoping to reach that miraculous state referred to in 12-step programs as “hitting bottom.” I’ve been trying to find that magical moment when I realize that my life, my health, and my well-being are more important that whatever food item is calling my name at that particular moment, but it just hasn’t happened. My weight is creeping closer and closer to a number I thought I would NEVER see again, yet here I am staring it hard in the face.
I thought I had reached that magical “bottom” about 10 days ago when I learned that my latest FPG (fasting plasma glucose) test as part of my pre-op blood work revealed that my glucose (blood sugar) counts are too high. In fact, the doctor said my numbers fall in the pre-diabetes range. Given both of my parents have Type-2 diabetes, it definitely gave me a good jolt of reality. Yet, there I was just a week later right back into my unhealthy eating habits and feeling sorry for myself again.
Today, things changed. Today, I learned that my dear friend Christie is about to take on the biggest battle of her life. Today, I realized that all my whining, being depressed, and not giving a crap about my health were stupid and selfish. Today, I realized that I need to be grateful for my health and need to stop taking it for granted. Today, I realized that if Christie can face her battle with cancer that I can face my battle with my weight. Today, I realized there are a lot of people in this world with serious health issues who would be so grateful to “only” have to battle excess pounds. Today, I realized I can show Christie my support as she faces her battle by taking care of myself and my health.
Are all of these realization a true “rock bottom” as defined in a 12-step program? Probably not, but it’s definitely been a major A-Ha moment for me. I can’t go on pretending my excess pounds aren’t taking a toll on me because they clearly are doing just that. My ortho said my weight definitely played a role in needing this knee surgery. My elevated glucose levels are likely directly related to the years of excess weight. It’s time for me to take this seriously and stop fucking around! It’s time for me to get honest with myself.
Part of being honest with myself (for me) is getting real about where I am with my weight loss. I didn’t get a chance to weigh in at Weight Watchers yesterday because there was no meeting due to the Easter holiday. My last weigh in was on Sunday, April 1 and I weighed 291.8 pounds. That means in the past 18 months or so that I’ve actually netted a gain of about 25-30 pounds. How’s that for some honestly? Anyway, I NEVER want to see that number again. I’m not sure if I’ll get a chance to go to a meeting this coming Sunday if my surgery happens on Wednesday, but I’ll report back with another weight update when I get to a meeting to weigh in again.
In addition to continuing with Weight Watchers, I’ll also be tweaking what I’m eating to help make sure I’m eating best to get my glucose levels back under control. I’ve armed myself with a book recommended by my doctor and the ADA (American Diabetes Association) called “What Do I Eat Now?: A Step-by-Step Guide to Eating Right with Type 2 Diabetes.” Even though I don’t technically have Type 2 diabetes yet, following the recommendations in this book on how to eat is also beneficial for people like me in the pre-diabetes range.
So, that’s where I’m at right now. I’m getting honest and I’m getting real. I hope you’ll come along on this ride with me and support me. More importantly, I also hope you’ll take a minute to go by and show Christie some love and keep her in your thoughts, prayers, etc. as she faces her battle.
Until next time …